I understand how you feel. I have not had the hospitalizations like you did, but I came close a few times. At 24, I couldn't take it anymore, my lack of social skills, love life, this feeling that I couldn't understand stuff that is so natural to other people, so I went to our university psych department and I was diagnosed with Asperger's, well, autism spectrum disorder. My life was pretty similar to yours - intense obsessions with obscure stuff, can't communicate with others, when I speak to others I sound like an idiot that can't string together a conversation, no friends, no social life. It worked on me for years until I was 24. I think if I didn't get the diagnosis, I would have cracked by now.

I'm glad you got your diagnosis at 20. I waited just a little too long. I waited just too long enough so that there was enough time for a failed relationship (among other things) in my life and I developed depression as a result. Now this is the problem I deal with, the autism is not the issue anymore, in fact it never was. I like who I am, my special ways and things, but some days I hate myself for being a social and romantic failure. The thing that plagues me now is the depression. I have lost my feeling, I am numb. As a result, I have lost that intense hyper-focal obsessive ability I had as a child. I miss that very much, because it was the one thing I could do that nobody else around me could, it was a game only I knew how to play. It was the one thing that made me want to stick around. Depression robbed me of that, now I have nothing.

All the best, I know how tough it is .