Ipse, I just re-read your posts. I also am kind of stuck at around the age of 16. I had a very sexually abusive boyfriend and we lasted 3 years. I also had an incident when I was 7 yrs old at a neighbors house.

My T has helped me put this altogether. But I think some of what you wrote here applies to me too. I'm always looking for love, attaching myself to people and then hate myself more when it ends.

After this boyfriend and three years later, another boy that I was so so in love with came back in my life. He saved me from this other guy and I thought me and this current guy were meant to be. We lasted years and then off and on for years. He married someone else and has two kids. We recently started talking again after 10 yrs because I needed to 'heal'. I spent every day since our breakup wondering what if...what if...

Well, I don't anymore. I put that to rest. I guess my point is I'm seeing some parallels between you and I. I could pretty much say the same about my feelings for my therapist that you did. The only thing I have bought him is coffee at Christmas. I gave it to his assistant though.

Maybe we can help each other get back in the game and fix this once and for all?