I just feel so stupid and lame. I was literally a pixel or two away from typing " I need to talk to you" over AIM to my boyfriend, and instead I hope he catches the hint in "there's a lot rolling around in my head that doesn't seem worth saying (or sayable)", a quick joke to distract him from that (because I'm afraid), and finally cutting off all chances with a normal "I love you, sleep well". I just want to let it out to somebody I know, someone who might hold me and let me hold onto them for a little while. I don't even think it would help at all, it'd just be such a big step for me, and maybe a little relief.

I just want everything to stop 'till I'm ready to get back on this big fat freaking ride. Totally typical and lame, I know, but I need to rant for a while. Thanks, guys.

always,
~muse