Having PTSD from a trauma, especially also having a history where one didn't feel truly safe, can be lonely and tiring. I think that Michael Jackson suffered from complex PTSD tbh. He spent a lot of effort trying to "change" himself and no matter what he did, he was controversial. He had a lot of success and money, but it never seemed to fill his "need" and I wonder if he ever had "help" with that. I question the accusations made against him too, I think it is quite possible that others just tried to find ways to "extort" money from him. A lot of what he wrote was IMHO expressing a lot of symptoms that could definitely lead to a diagnosis of "complex PTSD". Just these verses you posted here alone express that Mowtown. He "was" a victim of abuse, his father was an abusive man.

I think that when you have these challenging feelings it is important to allow yourself to come down from feeling like you are going to break and be judged so unfairly by society somehow. It is important to remember that is something that most human beings fear and it doesn't mean you are "crazy" to be fearful at times.

It is important to remember that if you seek the negatives in human nature, you will definitely notice more of it. If you decide to "embrace" the positives and get used to making conscious decisions to concentrate on that more, you will be able to see more of that too.

A long time ago I heard a story that I think about once in a while that I find helpful.

A man was driving a long distance in his car and he wanted to find a new place to live. He saw an old man on the side of the road and decided to stop and ask him about the town up ahead. He asked the old man, "what is that town like up ahead, are the people friendly, is it a nice place to live?" The old man asked him, "Well, what was the town you lived in before like?" And the man replied to him, "Oh, it was awful, the people were mean and just awful and I hated living there". To that the old man replied to him, "Oh, well, that is exactly what that town up ahead will be like for you too". With that the traveling man thanked the old man and got in his car and drove off.

A while later another man was traveling down that road and he too wondered about the town up ahead and stopped to ask the old man about it. Again the old man asked the same question of him too, "Well, what was the town like that you came from?". The new traveling man replied, "Oh, it was a wonderful town, the people were nice and friendly and I made a lot of good friends and I will surely miss that town and all my friends". Then the old man said, "Well, that town up ahead will be just like that too, and you will like living there too".

((Mowtown)), I have been seeing you gaining and experiencing some "positives" and even stepping outside yourself to sharing with others more with inspirational thoughts. Just keep moving forward and keep embracing the positives, you have been finding them and making progress so keep "practicing" that and you will keep making gains. Yes, there are those hard days, but keep working on embracing the positives and just remind yourself that you are just learning and "its ok" if you stumble at times.

((Hugs))
OE