This is no answer, but I know so many of us have been where you are. Let me give some advice on the manic guilt. Get to know someone either on here or wherever and disclose it. Once I did that, it made it so much more realistic. Holding it in for me made it huge and ridiculous. Whatever you did, someone here has done it and more.
I am coming off a severe two year depression and am in a fragile recovery state. So it does happen. The meds will help. If you are actively and faithfully working with a professional team you are doing what you need to right now. Be good to yourself. If you are having trouble brushing your teeth or showering, join us on our thread "Why we don't like to shower". You'll find good company there.