I have some quirks in my personality and some vague memories from childhood and one as an adult.

So personality quirks are:

- I don't like touching people (hugging, shaking hands, pat on the back). I like people, but it makes me cringe whenever I get touched by them.

- I feel panic whenever it seems like people want to know me as a friend. Regardless of male or female, if I get the feeling this person likes me or wants to know me better than I panic and try to keep my distance. I feel worthless and pathetic, so I don't want to disappoint the person and embarrass myself by letting them know me... But it's a reflexive reaction of panic. I've never had a girlfriend because I instinctively push people away whenever they show an interest, and I have almost no close friends.

- Life-long depression and one short psychotic episode recently

The memories are:

- A young woman that I didn't know (like a babysitter) arousing me while giving me a bath as a toddler.

- An incomplete memory of something sexually inappropriate when I was around 6 years old that I hate to talk about because the memory doesn't make sense. The person in my memory made a comment once that something might have happened but hopefully I was too young to remember. I didn't ask what was meant, because if anything happened then there was no harm done, no malice, and best forgotten IMO.

- A couple of incidents where I felt aroused from adults touching me and became wary of them.

- Possibly was drugged and raped by my friend a few years ago who I suspect is bisexual. We had separate rooms in a hotel. I was in his room drinking. I remember getting very sleepy all of the sudden which was strange. (At that time I had a high tolerance for alcohol and drank almost constantly.) He walked me back to my hotel room and made some weird comments. The next day I had a psychotic episode when I got home. (Actually I started feeling weird a couple of days before the suspected drugging when I first arrived at the hotel to meet my friend.)

So there is nothing conclusive - just suspicions. BTW A therapist a few years ago said I might have a mild type of psychosis, so my memories are probably inaccurate.