How does your H know what your pdoc says to you? I'm assuming it's because you choose to divulge the details of your sessions to H. I would respectfully suggest that you stop doing that. If you're using your pdoc as a justification for what you're doing, "well, pdoc said it would be good for me to do X", then consider that simply changing what you say to "this is what I want to do" or "this is what is important for me to do" or "this is what feels right for me to do."

I don't think that anyone has anything to "prove" to a spouse. You could just as easily say that your H could prove to you that he cares by graciously accepting the health care providers that you choose.

On your the pain you feel in sexual situations, I've been through something like this. There is great information and great products on Home - Vaginismus.com . Also, I did about 9 months of pelvic floor therapy (with a licensed physical therapist trained in the techniques) and was able to get my body and my sexuality back. I think it might be important for you to feel whole sexually, regardless of whether your H has interest or not. I think my overall health, especially including my psychological health, improved as well.

I wish you the best. It sounds like you are going through a lot, and I'd encourage you to stick with your T and pdoc as long as they are best for you. It seems to me that they are really in your corner. Put yourself first, for your children as much as yourself (that whole oxygen mask thing).