Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauliza
The thing is that I was very passive for the first 10 years of marriage and the whole 7 years we dated. We didn't fight at all. I am an avoidant personality and avoid conflict at all cost, even if it means sacrificing my own sanity and happiness. If something was wrong, he'd stop talking and I'd stop being sexual. I also took SSRI's for most of our time together and that does kill any romantic drive which my H does know. There was also the physical thing that I have only recently seen a doctor for.
The biggest change is now I go to graduate school and I complain. I speak up, I give him a bit of what he calls "attitude". I've written that he's old fashioned and can be a jerk. I do attribut this to a lot of the support I've gotten from my T and pdoc. He does too and this is where the "poinsoning" comes into play. If I hadn't seen them (especially him) everything would be the way it once was. Which I do not ever want back, but he does.
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From this first paragraph, it sounds like you are co-dependent and you might find some helpful material in this literature. I like Pete Walker, he has books and a website:
Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy
In his view, co dependency is interconnected with complex ptsd and trauma responses. I used to stereotype co dependency as people who would collude in their partner's addictions, like running out to get his whiskey or whatever. At it's heart-- or at least what speaks to me-- co dependency is abandoning yourself for the sake of someone else's feelings or demands. IMO, it's the worst kind of abandonment someone can do.