I've been on PC for nearly 3 years now (I just have a new account), but I am not native to this thread. I probably should have been on here before, but still a little in denial that I have bipolar disorder. I might not belong in this forum.

I have a feeling that I'm pissing everyone off with my mood swings (I guess you can call it that). Certain things change the way I feel, like if I'm doing something with my family, doing something that's enjoyable, and maladaptive day dreaming (which is one that can definitely spike my mood).

Even though a have these flux of highs (but not to the point where I feel elated or energetic), a majority of the time I am in a severe depressive mood (due to really low self esteem, and past issues). I've been thinking of death again lately and how much I don't want to live anymore.

I'm on medications in the morning and night. When I pop these pills into my mouth, I automatically feel neutral (not really happy, and not as depressive). Then give it a couple of hours later and the pills wear off and my night meds come along. Again I feel neutral, until the next morning.

I wasn't diagnosed bi-polar until after I was transferred to a residential treatment center from my third stay in a psychiatric hospital. Records showed up to my new therapist, and they declared I had bipolar disorder. They didn't tell me this when I was in the psych ward after I took another test to be revaluated. They said I had OCD, but never mentioned bipolar disorder.

I have a feeling that this is all due to maladaptive daydreaming, but I won't go into ranting detail about it.

I'll just go with what the doctor says for now, and hope that more research can be done in the future.