Dvlchris said, "Is there a way that I could get her into it or is there a way for me to 'get out' of my fetish?"

I have been in counselling for more than five years, primarily for PTSD, but also for my fetishes. I've also read a great deal about fetishes and sexual psychology.

I'm sorry to say that no one has ever found a safe way to stop fetish activity, or to start it for that matter. There are drugs that can suppress sexual desire, and kill the desire for fetish activity. But it's a lifetime deal: stop the drug, and the fetishes return. The only other option is emasculation, and no one wants that! The bottom line: Unless you are some sort of a superman who can control your autonomic nervous system, you are a fetishist and will always be a fetishist. But there's another story, and that has to do with your own self-acceptance and your wife's acceptance of your fetish.

You need to understand that there is nothing wrong with your fetish. You are not a pervert, or mentally ill, or even weird. Wearing a straitjacket, for whatever reason, is a simply a requirement for you to have an orgasm. It may have started when you were a baby wrapped tightly in a blanket, or someone restrained you tightly, and at the same time had a sexual response simply because people respond sexually to any number of stimuli, few of which we understand. (I sometime get a strong erection just thinking of buying something that I really want to have — a new camera, for example. I can even get an erection walking into a library, perhaps because in my pre- and early teens, I users to straight to the anatomy books to look at diagrams of sex organs.) In any even, and regardless of the cause of your fetish, you gotta use a straightjacket to achieve orgasm, and you pretty much have to have orgasms because you're a human (read "mammal"). Besides, orgasms are good for prostate health.

What to do? Learn as much as you can about sexuality and especially fetishes. And ignore stupid web sites that allow complete idiots to inform you that you're "sick" or need to accept Jesus. And remember this: no sexual act is deviant unless it harms you or someone else. Judging any sexual act as good or bad, evil or blessed, right or wrong must go right out the window. If "normal" sexual behaviour— vaginal intercourse — is the only proper behaviour, then most of us are doomed.

About your wife: She may not be "into it," but let's assume that she's "into you." Which means that it's vital to her and to you for you to be satisfied sexually. Your emotional and even possibly your physical health will be imperiled if you are unable to engage in your fetish. She really has to change her mindset about this, or risk damaging your relationship and your health. It really is her problem, and she is the only one who can improve the situation. If she is not willing to change and be more accepting of your needs, it means that your are sexually incompatible, and that's not any way for a marriage to be successful.

Short story: I've had a need to wear panties since I as in my teens. I can easily achieve an orgasm if I'm not wearing panties, but it's just that much more pleasurable if I'm wearing panties. And, for more than 40 years, I didn't wear panties except when I was alone at home. Finally, I could no longer live what was, by omission, a lie, so I told my wife about it, emphasizing that my wearing of panties wasn't just a desire, but a deep-seated need. I also told her about other, more "extreme" fetishes I had enjoyed since childhood. She listened quietly, and when I was finished said that she was amazed that I'd been able to keep my secrets for so long. She said that my fetishes didn't bother her, so I could wear panties whenever I wished, and continue to enjoy my other fetishes as long as I didn't expect her to join me. And then she said, "Is that all?" I've got some other things I need to do." A few days after that, she went shopping with me for panties. My panties!

Good luck,

Other