most people can get in touch with their inner kid if they like. it is just the aspect of them that is vulnerable and childlike i think. though kids can be mischevious too... or full of bravado... sometimes people kind of split them off so they have different inner kids that hold those different aspects or sometimes those aspects can be held in the same kid or sometimes people just struggle with one of those aspects.

like i do with feelings of vulnerability / neediness / dependency.

so those feelings are attributed to kt and she holds them for me 'cause they are too much for me too much for me. and it is a way of managing inner conflict a way of managing the internal confusion of so very many conflicting and contradictory and intense emotions. and kt holds the vulnerability and w holds the indifference and a holds the rage and i just feel numb and depressed... sad and depressed... and we (i) play out the interactions and make sense of myself this way. even though it is so %#@&#! transparent to me that this is what it is... it is a way of being able to admit to the inadmitable (i don't feel vulnerable i don't i don't but kt does). but this is transparent to my t as well so they are hiding inside of me a lot. and it is making things harder...

i'll get there in the end... but it is hard sometimes.