Last night I had some bad dreams... one was my mother asking me if I was going to rely on her for the rest of my l Iife in a nasty, mocking way. I sort of remember being about to point out that she caused my suffering yet seems to punish me for it. One time when I called her cause of an anxiety attack, she got angry and asked why her 28 yr old daughter was calling asking for help. She has said before she would disown me if I wasn't trying. Most recently I feel unhappy because she eats out at expensive places but wouldn't give me money recently when I needed food... she just ignored my text but then she will ask me to do things for her. I haven't gotten my life together cause I really don't get out of bed or have friends. She insults me behind my back and everyone thinks I have been bad to her...but I don't talk so that's not really practical. I just feel terrible about myself today and want the repeated memories to leave. How am I supposed to no not experience the pain and be strong like everyone says?