Just had a nap after a long day of dealing with visitors, having my ward round and having a few emotional moments (was too much stimulus for my liking and as 20 min social interaction at a time is about my limit, hours at a time exhausted me).

Had a bit of a panic in the afternoon and I retreated into my bed area, leaving my wife in the lounge area... this would have been one of those moments that I would have si'd or worse but I wrote a letter to my contact nurse, came back out and handed it to her... then went back to my bed area just feeling miserable.

She came and found me 10 mins later and essentially had to tell me what to do... felt like such a child, but I kind of needed instruction as I was overwhelmed: ask wife to come back later, get breaks if I need them... cancel visitors if I am not coping. I said that I felt so rude and selfish for not having the strength to just get on with it... but she said they'd understand.

My wife was actually quite good about it, she knows me well enough... even at home (though to me it was just routine and I never thought anything of it) I normally interact for a short space of time before going away for me time.

I am very direct when it comes to a point that I know an issue needs resolving. My wife (who sometimes cringes when I do it) and the deputy warden have said that what I do and how I do it isn't exactly wrong; that it cuts past the crap and gets straight to the point - but can make the recipient very uncomfortable as it's not usual behaviour... so I can understand that it might be intimidating and awkward (I'm usually very calm when I do it)... but yeah... to me, better to just confront a problem than beat around the bush, say nothing at all and let things fester.

I think the distants issue is for my benefit rather than as a rebuke. Part of my care plan has been to reduce mixed messages and triggering situations (ironically, the same support worker nearer the beginning of my stay here sent me into a right mess when she commented on my cutting just before I was about to receive visitors and I had a melt down... we became quite close after that as we both chatted and found out we had a similar sense of humour).

I appreciate the concern but I'm not one for dropping others in the crap. I know the obvious counter argument to that would be 'but it would prevent them doing it again' and perhaps it would... but I think they are intelligent to know that they crossed the line... I've seen their expression of 'oh crap' the couple of times it happened and I know they are good at their job... this has just been one of those situations where the line between patient and staff has been muddied due to how affable we became.

Hopefully it's a lesson learnt for them... no reason to rub their noses in it.

Don't get me wrong... I really do get what you're saying... just been uncomfortable enough as it is... I don't have the energy or will to make a big issue of it now.