helloooooo I was raised Catholic, attended Catholic school, was an alter boy, so I know all about guilt, doubt, blame, ect. It's very difficult to have faith when you think everything around you is falling apart.
I am a Buddhist now so I may not be the proper person to give you advice on matters of Christian faith. I don't believe anything that I can not rationalize. Buddhism does not require that you have blind faith but requires you to come to your own conclusions. Most everyone on this site is messed up in some way or another. I am a Bipolar 1 with ptsd and severe anxiety thrown in just for fun. My wife who posts during the day is schitzoaffective.
We are all human beings yet we can be capable of such different emotional responses to the same stimuli.Believe me when I say you are not alone. Everyone has different way of dealing with lifes little hicchups.
Be a Christian if that is what calls you, I say be a person of faith for as long as you can.
I'm not sure if anything I say will strike a chord with you, but Hope is free.
So take heart, be at peace. I hope you find the answer
Be well
Mike