Amazing how you are able to share your thoughts with us so honestly. I know that I have a problem with Ed and body dismorphia, and have since I was a young girl (I'm now 40), and I'm just now starting to admit to myself that I have a serious problem. The fact that I look at every calorie, that I will skip meal upon meal upon meal, and hide it from friends and family members, tell myself that I'm not hungry when I am, and stare at my body for hours and criticize every single part of myself. I know that all of these things are not normal behaviors, but I can't stop. Just like I can't stop letting my body weight get so low that my husband tells me that I look sick. That he can see every bone in my body protruding, so i will gain a couple of pounds so he is happy for a while. Then I will loose it again. And we start all over. So, thank you for your post. It gives me and I'm sure others strength to fight ed also.