I am a Christian also and although I go to church, the "organized religion" part of it has no appeal to me. I go to hear the sermon, to worship with others, and to help in the nursery, to serve/help in quiet ways when I can. But inside, I feel awkward, disconnected and feel like an outsider. It's hard to talk with anyone for any length of time. But my church is loving and embraces people with all types of issues. I have faith in God, but at times I feel like He doesn't hear my prayers. I go through droughts where it is very difficult for me to read my Bible, if I read it at all. And prayers become barely a couple of sentences. And then I question if I was delusional -- perhaps I didn't believe for real at all. But what I do know is what God has done for me, for my husband and especially my children in the face of overwhelming, sometimes life threatening obstacles, He answered my prayers - in ways that didn't make sense according to science, or the normal circumstances of life. So I hold on to that so I don't lose faith. Bipolar thinking would rob me of that last part of me that gives me hope, the last thing that keeps me centered and a decent person. I won't let it rob me of my core.