I was also in a similar situation.

Only it was my male cousin. I have vague flashes of what happened when I was 6 or so. I guess I'm mildly psychotic as a result.

I've only just recently gotten over it tho. Prior to this, I used to get nightmares that I did something unspeakably terrible but that I wasn't quite sure what it was, coupled with me running away from it. Like I did something akin to killing someone (which I have NOT done).

What helped me resolve the issue was when I connected the feeling I had in my nightmare to the feeling I get when I recall the abuse. The feelings were close enough that it somehow cancelled out the nightmare and I stopped having it.

That left me with a very real ache that I knew the root of. It's a kind of loss that I feel, a loss of childhood that I know I'm badly trying to relive or recover even in my old age (my wife thinks I'm terribly immature and make fun all too often). I think now that's part of it.

With regards to my cousin well, I've sort of forgiven him. I haven't comfronted him. I don't feel the need to. Maybe it was done to him? Maybe he was terribly insecure and wanted to exert dominance? Who knows. All I know is I'm over it, I'm much stronger for getting over it.

I hope you are able to resolve the issues that trouble you. My advice is, don't be afraid. You are strong. Try to tackle the issues one at a time. And as crying mentioned, try to find a therapist who you can feel comfortable with.