I guess that is what is so valuable about these forums. I remember the first time I talked to someone who had bipolar -- when I barely even knew what it was -- and telling them about saying inappropriate things at times and not understanding it all because the DSM IV says you have to do it consistently for four days (or is it seven), and then that person saying "half the people who come in here are in tears because they say exactly the same thing... but it's called losing your 'social consciousness' ".

And when that person said that to me it was so helpful, but admittedly I had said a few things that were inappropriate (a work colleague made a complaint about one but it was dismissed by my manager at the time) and another colleague actually asked me "are you alright?" when I did no work that day and instead talked non-stop to her.

But this is the first time I've had a full blown manic episode where I've ranted which is why I'm so cut up about it.

Funny though, as soon as I read your words I wanted to say "I hope you can get through it and not beat yourself up too much about it" but I can't say that to myself.

I have a card I carry around that has my no 1 value on it, which is "self-acceptance" so perhaps I should listen to it. But I've always judged myself by different standards to other people -- my mother did it when I was a child and it's stuck...