I am not sure if it is related to bipolar but I DEFINITELY understand where you are coming from about early sexual experiences. I have at times had enormous senses of guilt and shame in my sexual relationships and at times when a partner has used some sort of restraint on me I have felt like it is "acceptable" to enjoy the sex. This goes right back to when I was 15 and my first proper girlfriend handcuffed me to my best friend's bed while we made out.

However I have worked out that the root cause of this is that when I was 10 I was sexually assaulted by three of my classmates and my pants were pulled down, but fortunately I fought them off before they got any further. However my best friend was then assaulted in front of me while other classmates held me down and laughed, and he had his clothes taken off him and was sexually molested.

This, I am certain, is the root cause of the guilt and shame that I have carried ever since around sexuality, which has only begun to slowly reduce since I have had a long-term stable relationship with a loving partner. However it does at times reassert itself, particularly as I have come into contact (not literally) with sexual offenders in later life -- a friend's boyfriend; my first platoon sergeant in the army; my grandfather on my mother's side.

I think in a mutually supportive relationship there is nothing wrong with bdsm. I don't want to judge how far or what kind, but if both people are interested in trying it out as a fantasy then so what? Most of the people who decry sexuality are the very ones who like dressing up like maids and doing someone's vaccuming for them while wearing women's underwear. Most of them seem to be politicians for some reason...