To be honest i just want my girlfriend to be fine, as for me it doesn't matter as long as my girlfriend is fine i'll try my best. Unfortunately my girlfriend doesn't like me having any close friends, i have my psychologist but i'm not allowed to talk to her because my girlfriend gets angry... neither am i allowed to go to hospital because my girlfriend gets angry... so yeah i do talk to my psychologist in secret but she has no idea what to suggest anymore because its such a complicated relationship and such a difficult relationship that i got myself into

Basically if i stay or end the relationship it will be the same thing, just a huge amount of pain with no clear ending... then its going to me meeting up another girl at some stage and just give her my love then get abused again... as always really - I've always been abused from a small child but i try to fight through my past but i always manage to get myself in abusive relationships i mean in my last relationship i was nearly shot dead by the father of that girl...

Anyway my life is just blank at the moment, i don't get satisfied with anything, i am bored of everything, feeling just nothing, wanting just nothing, not liking anything. I'm usually a person that i like listening to songs and i always find a song that i can feel the words, its been weeks now i don't like any song neither love songs neither hate songs neither happy songs neither sad songs, i have no feelings anymore.