Got a day just for me today, no visitors, no activities of major interest. Woken up with a bit of fire in me... hard to explain... not sure if it's a good thing or a step back, a defence mechanism that will be recognised by others as strength whereas it's my sheep in wolfs clothing mask.

What happened with that support worker earlier in the week still hurts and though I am using healthier methods to express myself rather than SI (up to now at least), I have shut down social communication in the rl (real life) with staff and patients as much as possible.

Will utilise the 15 minutes I have allocated to use to speak to a nurse each shift but other than that stay out of the way... ear phones in, shut out the noise and write, play a few games, watch movies or go for walks.

Finally showed one of the nurses my cuts on upper arm last night, were from days back but they've been sore and unattended so ideally needed cream for them. Dr was contacted and cream has been prescribed.

On a plus note, suicidal intent has been seriously reduced... had one wobble yesterday. While waiting to see if the nurse would respond to the letter I wrote and feeling so worn down and dejected I did eye up the dvd for breaking up... I succumbed to two small cuts on my upper right arm that I've told no body about (had waited 15 minutes by that point and needed some release) and ironically she knocked on the door and walked in... threw the implement in my draw and covered my arm pretty damn fast.