Hi skippidoo--

First of all, hugs! I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

I wonder if you've ever looked into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy--not even necessarily the therapy, but just resources about it. Part of it has to do with figuring out what you value in life and making goals to go after it. When I feel sort of lost and unmotivated I look back at some of my ACT materials to help me decide what it is I want to pursue in my life.