I’m wondering if there is a way to develop a way of understanding things which includes everybody in our definition of what it is to be human?

I’m suggesting that many people who have personality disorders also have PTSD or complex PTSD. It’s not a matter of distinguishing between the two – both can exist at the same time. And yes more careful diagnoses could help a lot of people.

Perhaps that would help you, Open Eyes? To see your former T not as the person with NPD he became at one point as an adult but as the wounded, traumatized child he probably also had been? But also, the creepy feeling is something we all need, to warn us when we need to pay attention to something, to avoid being hurt or used. Sounds like you didn't get hurt or used, which is good.

For what it’s worth, my opinion is that Sam Vaknin bought in to the public view of NPD and used it to get approval and attention. Not that he did that entirely “consciously”. It was just something (or the best) he could do with the situation he found himself in at the time, according to what people believed about NPD at the time. One of the characteristics of people with NPD is that they depend on the outside environment to define them. That’s because empathy is needed for a child to develop a sense of who they are, from the inside.