For me it is the total lack of energy and motivation. I am totally fatigued and can't do anything, even shower. Thats when it is at its worse and I am suicidal.

To answer Gloks question I have for many years been treating it in all the ways known and whatever I can think of. I still have it though. So I have learned to live with it.

I have settled for less than happiness which to me means feelings of joy. Happiness I guess can be defined in many ways. I have reached a level of contentment and inner peace that is very valuable to me. I can live with that if it never gets any better. In good times I get much satisfaction out of the things I do and my intellectual pursuits. Even pleasure I guess. Even when in a deep depression I have a certain level of contentment because I have accepted it and largely don't care what others think. I still have shame about it and that will rob me of the contentment.

My biggest problem with it now is the fear of the future. What will my depression look like in the future? Will my current meds quit working? Will I be able to support myself financially? That last one is the biggest and causes much anxiety.