Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyDavis
Just to add on to what Big Mama wrote.
Do you know any women that have a brother, sister, cousin or a friend with Asperger’s? The reason I ask is because it is so much easier to be with someone that already has an understanding of it than a person that is clueless as Big Mama pointed. My step daughter is Autistic and back when I met Hailey (my Wife) she knew more about my disabilities than me because she spent so much time studying all of them and that has been very helpful over the years. She currently runs a support group for people with children with disabilities in our area and I am always surprised by how many people turn up for it every week and I think people with disabilities are on the rise but back on the subject if you can find a woman like my Wife that really understands Asperger’s I think you will be fine.
It is important to note not everybody with Asperger’s Syndrome is the same and while some can be cold and appear to lack empathy my Wife says I am one of the most compassionate people she has ever known.  |
Thanks for all the feedback
. Sadly, I don't think I've ever met someone with the same problem as mine, or someone with such a sibling. But, that's because I probably haven't met many people in my life, period, so there's that too. But, what you guys say makes a lot of sense, if someone who understands comes along, they will be able to love me. I think the problem is also that I am young, and I just don't think young people get it, unless it's pointed out by an older person (more life experience and who understands that the world is made up of very different people, and know that not everyone's the same). It's difficult to explain, but it's like the people my age, and when I was younger still, realized I was different but immediately thought there must be something "wrong" with me, hence they avoid me. You can't blame them, they don't understand. When you're young you don't understand anything of life, it's all confusing. They simply didn't understand me and it can actually make people afraid, this feeling of "unknown" or "confusing" and they just avoid it by avoiding me. People avoid things they don't understand. I don't get angry at others when they do it, I know they don't understand, I know it's got to be hard for them to "handle" me.
I appear very cold and hard on the outside, but I'm soft on the inside.
Sometimes people also say that I should have a relationship with a woman that has Asperger's. I know people think that will solve it, but I actually totally disagree. It's complex and that is actually the worst thing you can do. On the surface it seems good, Asperger's + Asperger's = happy relationship because both people are the same. That's not true. Two wrongs don't make a right. It's not something you can bond over, it's something whose purpose is to destroy relationships, not form them. So, in other words, 2 is twice as bad as 1. Also, the person with Asperger's is often the one most frustrated with his/her condition and also the one that understands it the least (non-objective, internal viewpoint). Remember, he/she lives it, and is not a casual observer of it like another normal person is. It's a condition of communication failure. A relationship of this nature will leave both parties the most deprived they can ever be. It would be better for an Asperger's sufferer to have a relationship with a normal person, or even have no relationship at all.
So, these things are non-trivial, there's a lot to consider. And, like you said, not all sufferers are the same. It's very hard, and I don't think I will know for sure until I find myself in a relationship/marriage one day. But, truth be told, I am not actively seeking it out at the moment. If it comes along, it comes along, and I will do everything in my power to try and halt proceedings, to discourage the formation of a relationship. But, if the love is strong enough and none of my attempts to foil it works, then I guess I have no choice.