How can you find it in yourself to love yourself when even the tiniest bit of pride or praise makes you feel dirty? (And often more worthless because you know you don't deserve it.)

In my case, praise starts off making me feel good, but quickly devolves into disgust because they must be stupid to think anything I did was praise worthy, and too stupid to see I'm really a phony.

When you've tried to do something good for someone and they are grateful but you feel happy that you've helped them and then you start to think you're being selfish and clearly only did it to make yourself feel better...

Oh, you mean when I walked around the grocery store building to bring the little blanket to the homeless guy because it was getting cold...felt good about that for about a minute then told my boss who bytched at me because he said the homeless guy will 'just keep hanging around now' and was disappointed my boss didn't recognize my altruistic nature---except...why DID I give the bum a blanket??? He didn't even say thank you.

When someone tells you you've done something well and that small glimmer of pride makes you feel as though you're being self aggrandizing and narcissistic...

Yes, that.

Where do you start?