I am afraid of therapists.. They always try to do their voodoo magic. And have me work through traumas, all it does is deeply upset me... and make me so tired. EMDR works for some people, at this stage in my life I found it causes more problems then it solves by upsetting me.. and causing emotional turmoil. I did EMDR last week, my daughter showed me a dead mouse and I had a completely adverse reaction to it.. it was just a dead mouse but I completely panicked.. my PTSD kicked up and I remembered my grandmother making me shovel up dead puppies on a cold fall night in new mexico.. My heart rate accelerated, I was screaming and in a complete state of terror.. It was odd. EMDR always causes odd emotional reactions after the fact.. I am undecisive.. very stressed.. disconnected from every person I shouldnt be. I am not having emotional breakdowns today.. its more like I am numb.. but my nerves are wrecked. my anxiety is up.. its like a quiet panic attack because every decision I make at this point will hurt one person or another.. I need a change, but for somewhat selfish reasons.. because I cant take it anymore where I am at.. But my daughter is here. Even if its only temporary.. I dont know what else to do.. I actually just selfishly want to run away. But I cant.