Hi TJ, Glad today's gone well for you but re this: "encouraging me to brave some home leave again after the disastrous first try". Well a lot's gone on for you/a lot's changed since then, and you've made some real breakthrough's. Now doesn't compare to then, take this as a new opportunity.
And if it were to be hard.............well hey, you can have a plan pre-prepared for if things do get difficult can't you e.g. if I feel like ..........I'll do.........and if that doesn't work I'll..........and so on. And you know some of the triggers to avoid as well don't you e.g. you'll not be going out to a busy restaurant with your wife..........So I'd say you've definitely earned this, just try to make the best of it/enjoy it as much as you can.
And with this: "that being told 'don't do something' is less helpful to me than actually giving me a reasoned explanation" I wouldn't necessarily link that with stubborness. I'd say it worked that way for a lot of people. Could call that just showing someone respect rather than "dictating" to them??
And as for the aspergers well if............that needn't change your identity at all, and it doesn't mean you have to change your identity either.........if it might as much lead you to finding some more coping skills/tools to help you be you (although you are starting to make a real good job of that already!! ).
And this (!!): "She's back on shift on Wednesday and I sheepishly joked that did that mean I could slip badly tomorrow... but as long as sunday onwards went okay" I'm saying NO to that too, OK??!!
But as ever, you know, if you're struggling anytime, we're here

Alison