I'm glad you're finding happiness, purple heart. I know what you mean about alien feelings. I only had chemically induced happiness for most of my life before I got sober. I think normal can be scary because I don't know how long it lasts or how to act. It's like I'm not myself because when I've been manic or depressed or whatever I had to act and fake a presence of normalcy. Also, now that I'm sober I can't blame erratic behavior on drugs.