I developed this friendship with someone that felt exactly like you described in that first post when I first met her. I was going through depression at the time, but not quite as bad as her. We were both miserable and used to sit around listening to Elliott Smith. I still think of her every time I hear "I didn't understand."

"... my feelings never change a bit
I always feel like ****
I don't know why, I guess that I just do"

And maybe it was self-reinforcing or not healthy but it was beautiful in its melancholy sometimes. She got better a few years after we went our separate ways, but I remember that time with a kind of fondness now. Maybe that's weird and there's something wrong with me

There are clearly people here who understand how you feel, and probably people near you that you could be friends with you if you decide to reach out.

You're not totally alone even if this is just the internet. Sometimes people who feel the worst in life have the most poignant things to say and sharpest insight on the world. That absolutely has value especially to people going through the same things. Please keep sharing. I've just started reading here, and it breaks my heart to see people feeling this bad but in a way it's comforting to know that I'm not just some isolated defective cog grinding all the machinery around me to a halt. There are many of us, and we've been where you are before or are there now.

I still have a sliver of hope that I'm going to get better. I hope you can get there too. I hope all of us can.