Hi all, thought I would post this to see if I can get any opinions or advice. I guess I just want to 'let it all out' a bit too. This will probably be quite long, but I will try keep it as much to the point as possible. I'll give a little intro below, just so you get to understand a bit more about me.

I am 21 years old and I am currently studying in College. I have had a healthy upbringing with no form of sexual abuse (That I am aware of at least). I was bullied in high school, but not terribly bad and it only lasted for a year or two. I am an introvert and have a lot of traits of someone with Avoidant PD (Probably caused by the bullying), which I suppose is definitely relevant to what I want to discuss. I also played video games a lot when I was younger instead of going out, so that may have played a part in my personality traits.

The older I have grown, I have realised something is not quite right when it comes to me and the opposite sex. I am 21 years old and I'm a virgin. I have never done anything sexual with a girl. I have kissed girls before, but I do not find it enjoyable. In fact the idea of being intimate with someone makes my skin crawl. I find females attractive, I masturbate often, yet I have no desire to actually be with a girl. In fact, I would say I actively avoid it. I have been in the situation for intimacy to occur (in bed with girls and such), but I am unresponsive and hesitant to any initiation.

As well as this, I dont desire a romantic relationship. I am at peace with the fact that I more than likely never will be in one, that really doesnt bother me (thats not saying I wouldnt be open to one under the right circumstances).

What I am curious about, is why I am like this. I don't really want to change the way I am, but something has got to give. I just wonder whether I am sort of asexual, or if its just a mental thing. It would all make more sense if I was abused or something, but I wasn't, so I don't know why I feel such adversity towards intimacy. I wonder if its lack of confidence? I wont lie, the thought of physical intimacy terrifies me, partly due to my inexperience at 21 and everyone else being experienced at this point. Maybe that is why the thought of being intimate disgusts me, or maybe I genuinely just ain't interested. I guess you could say I am confused. I am not sure if I could have a casual encounter, I think I would need to be comfortable with the person. That would be a problem as well, as I dont feel like I can conect with females. I find I have nothing to talk to them about, other than general small talk.

The whole 'virgin' label really bothers me. I don't desire to have the experience, I just want to get rid of that label. Its a burden. People will say it doesn't matter, but try being with a group of your peers at 21 in college who are all sexually active and have people laughing at you. People think im strange when there are attractive girls approaching me and im unresponsive. Sometimes I feel like I should just get it out of the way and be done with it - even though I'll be going against myself. It also bothers me when my family comment about my situation in regards to girls. I have never had a girlfriend or even brought a girl home. Whenever my mum brings up a mates girlfriend, I change the conversation, as I know where it will lead.

Thats all I'll bore you all with now. If I think of anything else I wish to add, Ill edit this post, or post a reply. If you got this far, thanks for reading. I would really appreciate any opinions or advice.