Maybe I can give it another shot. I can see how meds + a good therapist would help. Trying to live life is hard.

It's just every time it's almost time to go ,aka the night before, I can't sleep. I get incredibly anxious so that when it's actually **go time**, I've already burned myself out. I got a backpack I can start filling with possible stuff but I am having doubts about if this place would be helpful. I mean the idea of an inpatient place is confusing to me. All the recent, within the last week told me I should be inpatient but they only do that for the suicidal ideation I tend to have. They don't really give me a chance to explain my full situation so they just think I am going for suicidal thoughts rather than the actual problem causing the suicidal thoughts. I had to write out what I wanted to say but found it hard to think at all when someone is right there in front of me waiting for my response. The reason I had to write was because I couldn't open my mouth. I knew that would happen so I managed to ask if I could write. It's not the same as online where I am alone and able to think more clearly but I was somehow able to let them know I was suicidal. There was a lot more I wanted to write but I didn't want to leave them waiting so I just wrote the suicidal thoughts I tend to have.

Sorry for the length and perhaps something that has no point to it. At all. I just felt like writing because I happen to be in a writing mood. I wrote some stuff to myself earlier as a means to calm down. I've always been one to write as a way to calm down because than I get caught up in trying to make sure it looks correct and that the grammar is okay along with making the story interesting. At least it's interesting to me. I've always wanted to write something but I never have the patience to write anything large enough to be considered a worthy product.