Hi,

I'm taking this step of joining a forum and asking for help, although it's hard to think I deserve any, because I seem to have recently exhausted all other sources of it in my life. First of all, I'm not suicidal, I've never attempted suicide, and I don't experiences hallucinations or psychotic breaks. It's hard to say how much I'm depressed and how much I'm just lazy and selfish. My life is relatively okay. However, I'm prone to anxious hyperbolic ranting, so my friends frequently have to endure tirades about how I'm the worst person in the world and I don't deserve to live and I'll never find happiness etc. They've always taken these in stride and encouraged me as much as they could. However, in the span of just a few weeks, several close friends have completely stopped talking to me. No response to texts, emails etc. I never thought I could wear them down, but I guess I did.

My mother is the only family member I have a close emotional connection with. When I told her about this, and my concerns that I must be a terrible person to have driven my friends away, she said, "well, then I must be a terrible parent for you to have turned out like this." She frequently makes statements to the effect that she'll be depressed as long as I'm depressed, and that her happiness depends on mine. She asks me to talk to her more and be honest, but on the rare occasion that I do, she's devastated by it. So I can't talk to her without hurting her.

I see a therapist but only once every two weeks. It's not enough, I'm too needy. How can I learn to make peace with my issues and not have to talk to people about it? Not frequently, at least. I have been in therapy for a year and feel as bad as ever.

Also, wondering if anybody has successful reclaimed friends after alienating them with mental health disorders.

As for the mental health rundown: depression, anxiety (particularly social), fatigue and malaise. 25 years old, single (destroyed my last relationship with self-doubt), employed part time and a student during the school year. Currently taking 15mg Lexapro (escitalopram), have also tried Celexa and Prozac.