Sundance,

Hi,

First off, I completely understand why you froze and how uncomfortable and betrayed you feel over this.

But I do have an alternative perspective... actually two...

I had a friend in college who gave great massages and he would constantly try to turn them sexual. He got laid a lot, lol, as a massage can be great foreplay. I had to constantly be on my guard and say "no" because otherwise he would try to take it further.

Second, my h has been known to come to bed (when I am pretending to be asleep, lol) and start touching me. Even if I don't anything, he will keep it up for a few minutes, trying to wake me or get my attention or something???

I think this guy was probably a bit taken aback that you said you didn't know what happened. I think he did the responsible, considerate thing by explaining it you. I think his remark about "molesting" wasn't because he thought he did something wrong, but becasue your saying you didn't know what happened, and your lack of response, made him feel he was dealing with a child.

He probably felt awkward and embarassed at what he had done, as he probably assumed you welcomed the touch, and he only stopped when he got absolutely no response from you -- and he went to the trouble of redressing you -- that was very respectful, I think.

I think he probably feels odd over what happened... probably doesn't understand your reaction. He may be a creep, but what he did doesn't seem like a molestation to me... more like two adults with different ideas of what is appropriate.

And... geesh... if I had a dollar for every time a guy who was supposedly a "friend" came on to me... oh geesh, I'd be rich.

So... in no way do I mean to minimize the impact this had on you... just offering you a different perspective, so maybe you'll feel less triggered and betrayed.

In my book, he still wouldn't be someone I would want to hang out with, even if what he did doesn't count as criminal "assault". He crossed some boundaries and I am not personally comfortable with friends doing that. But that is different from abuse... uncomfortable and wrong in a different way.

best of luck, M