Speaking of books, I once heard a recording of a mental health professionals' convention and this book was highly recommended for clients: Parenting From the Inside Out. Haven't read it yet so can't comment. I think it explains how our caretakers' dysfunctional attachments to us (as helpless children) created the (dysfunctional) person we are, rather created the person I am....can't speak for anyone else but myself.....I ordered it and it arrived today, can't wait to read it.... I think reading it might help make sense out of needs and insecurities, fantasies, self-destructive behavior, dysfunctional attachments to our t's.... probably lots 'aha' moments in that book...