Hi, Swimmer (cool name!),

Thanks for your post and understanding. You sound like the internal riot stuff is pretty familiar to you. Nice to have company, although it stinks to know other people go through this.

Grounding IS a big issue. I am used to t's toys and books/bookcase, where she sits and where I sit. And especially this blanket I gave her last Xmas "because every therapist should have a blanket in their office". T has told me that that blanket has special meaning for a lot of her clients... clients have told her they will anticipate snuggling under it for the whole day of their appts. That always gives me warm fuzzies to think about.

I also did A LOT (for me) of switching during my last session. I spent about a third of the session UNDER the blanket. I just couldn't bear to go to a different office, after such a difficult session last time.

It was hard to press "stop" on those old internal tapes about how I "should" be able to do this or that. I think it's rooted in all the abuse I was "supposed" to handle growing up... I have really high expectations for what I "should" be able to handle and I tend to not honor it when I am feeling unstable and overwhelmed. Cancelling was a huge step for me. The fact that my t was SOO understanding was an incredible bonus -- one I didn't expect -- like extra whipped cream and cherries on top (and cookie crumbles and sprinkles and and and...)

It's nice to see a new "face" here. Thanks again for your post. M