Hi Everyone,

I just spent a moment reading through the emotionally sensitive in relationships, in the Home page of this site,
I think it was the most accurate description of myself i have ever read, so i thought i'd join up.
The one thing that wasn't accurate was that it referred to the emotionally sensitive as the woman, which is a bit sexist, haha, I'm a male, who grew up with a lot of women/girls around me, so something was sure to rub off on me, and thats what i got. It's not a issue in itself, "some people of course get a bit weird about it" but that's life and thats their problem. i quite like it, most of the time, but it is always with Women who i get attached to, and that can be one or 10 at the same time, without any sexual content, add that to the mix with a lover and its much worse than what i write below

About the only time it becomes an issue is when the other isn't keeping up. isn't saying anything, and when they do, isn't making any effort, it's usually the same old things that i experienced from past relationships, thus the worst thing possible enters the relationship.

I start projecting past hurts, and i see those hurts come right back at me, so i blame her, until i realize what i'm doing. but thats usually to late.

By this time, my mind is in a whirl, the imagination is at it's best and the frustration builds trying to save what can no longer be saved, usually the only way to move my thinking is to give in to the urge to either say something nice, or say something really horrible, if i don't nothing will move, i meditate, i pray, i go for a walk, play my guitar, doesn't matter, in all my years i have never figured how to find a way to release this frustration, before i let it out on the person i love.

Yes i know, i have to stand back, but this is a problem also, and i can do it with anything but relationships, i either love too much or i just don't care at all, annd if the person i love asks me to give them space, well about a week is the limit, and thats pushing it, 2 weeks and i'll be in short circuit mode, somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks, i just break it, put myself into an emotional state, partly accept then i just destroy any chance of the other coming back.

The heart suffers, and tears at the mind, but the mind just doesn't care, it will find a way to bury the other until anything nice about the other is distant and can hardly be felt.

Im at this late stage right now, i just lost someone who was probably the best thing that happened in my life, and i did all the above, Again,

I don't completely blame myself, she didn't use the release valve i tell everyone i feel something for, she projected her issues onto me, which clashed with mine, and as i grew up in the day when there was no internet or mobile phones, so there was always a little time to think about what you were going to do, now there's no hiding, think it and throw it

As i mentioned earlier, she's gone, "and i note here she was only a special friend" not a lover, I loved her character and presence, and something quite beautiful and untouched in her heart, "now that is gentle of me" the reality of my destruction was hours ago, the final, burial of any feeling in my heart for her, any nice things i say now are from the mind looking back, not the heart actually feeling something.
Would she ever forgive me, ? haha, no way, not now,

Knowing all this, and losing this person now leads me to finding some answers and solutions to these isuues,

How to forgive myself and those in the past, chanting i forgive doesn't work for me, tried it,
Standing back when in the middle of the fire,
Letting go with grace and just leaving it as it is.
finding something positive to hold onto when theres a lull in the fire, so the imagination can settle.

Anyone with some helpful hints/idea's would be appreciated, a good book, "if it isn't about the end result and not the way there, way to many books out there with little practical use,
Getting the mind to listen to the heart a little more in tough times, especially when it has some questions it wants to ask the other that are not really appropriate, usually imagined from snippets of information in a mixed up head

Anyway sorry about the length of this, haha,

Hope you all have a good day, evening or night

Thanks