The thing is I don't really want to leave. I am so afraid of feeling like I need or miss her, I don't want that, it makes me too vulnerable. And I would probably wish she'd contact me, and feel disappointed and abandoned if she wouldn't. It's like ScarletPimpernel described in another thread (Maintaining a Connection): ''I am SO excited to see her again...and SO terrified! I want a hug; I don't want her to touch me. I want to start working on my issues again; I don't want to say a word to her. I'm happy; I'm angry. I want her to be my T; I never want to see her again.''

Thank you for taking your time and answering me!