Quote:
Originally Posted by Sawyerr
The thing is I don't really want to leave. I am so afraid of feeling like I need or miss her, I don't want that, it makes me too vulnerable. And I would probably wish she'd contact me, and feel disappointed and abandoned if she wouldn't. It's like ScarletPimpernel described in another thread (Maintaining a Connection): ''I am SO excited to see her again...and SO terrified! I want a hug; I don't want her to touch me. I want to start working on my issues again; I don't want to say a word to her. I'm happy; I'm angry. I want her to be my T; I never want to see her again.''
Thank you for taking your time and answering me!  |
Hi Sawyerr, I recognise this feeling, especially what you say about not wanting to need your T, not wanting to be vulnerable. One fear I have (which might not apply to you) is that my need for my T gives him too much power over me... but with growing trust for my T, I have come to realise that if he does have power (which is doubtful - after all, I can choose to quit whenever I like) he is not going to abuse it.
I think you should contact your therapist, set up an appointment, and then try to tell her what you've written here. When we get these contradictory feelings, it's easy to follow the path of least resistance and simply not do anything, but I hope you will set up another appointment, because I don't think you have anything to lose by doing that.