Thanks mate and yeah, that's a good point. Things have been a tad chaotic over the past couple of months (year since I've been on these boards and beyond) so I probably am fixating on the negative... but then that's the nature of the beast I suppose heh.

The visit went well, my mum actually asked me what would help facilitate a healthier afternoon out (as my getting tired and overwhelmed quick is something we both want to avoid... I love seeing her... and she has to travel a fair way to get here) so I said that if now and again, especially in crowded areas or if I conversation was getting too much, would she mind me putting my ear phones in for a bit... that I didn't want to be anti social, just needed to control the noise stimulus when it was too much.

We went for a meal in a pub and at first I was like 'hell no' to that idea... but she said I didn't have to talk, just eat, listen to music and read my book on my phone while I ate.... was a really nice meal. After that we went down to the canal and had a walk, was hardly anyone around and it was very peaceful, had a nice chat and all in all was one of the better visits I've had yet.

Thanks chap not going to be a negative nancy to the compliment... just I think I have a lot of room for improvement till I get there... but at least at the moment I am starting to see a positive future rather than a constantly negative one... will take it a step at a time and certainly putting improving my health before I start jumping into things with both feet again.

No, it's a helpful comment and you're right when it comes to extremes... that is one of my flaws - very much all or nothing and I have a lot of trouble with the middle ground... that's not to say I'm unwilling to explore changing that side of my behaviour... it's just how things have been to now.

And you are spot on about the not 'using the strange behaviour of a few people as a model for the rest of your life'... problem with that is when it catches me off guard... when you establish attachments especially when vulnerable (I think I'm starting to toughen up again, but I was struggling hard up till recently) the impact can have a lasting effect. It woke me up a little this week though... the action of that person (inadvertently) sparked a fire and focus that I had lost so not seeing this from a completely negative view point at point of writing this now... I may at points in the days to come but that will come with the low mood.