I'm also new here, and have Type I Bipolar Disorder. I'm sorry you're having a rough go right now. I'm also married and have been in your shoes.

What helped me was not to focus on my feelings (which were bipolar based), but to focus on who I was trying to be...Me! Not someone out of character. It is difficult I understand, but succumbing to false urges only creates more problems in the long & short run.

Keep leaning on this group for support! We're all in this together!

Well wishes