Bellaviolet, I'm sorry you're going through this. Anxiety attacks are the worst.
You can't get to a computer on the weekends either so you have no rope to hold onto until the weekend passes.
I'm sorry you're SI-ing. (((((((Bellaviolet)))))))))) I hope you find another way of relieving your fear and pain. I use to SI a very long time ago and I look at the scars and I regret desecrating my body like that but at the time, it just didn't matter. I know, I understand. But please don't SI after you've been drinking, PLEEEEAAASE!!!!! It's so dangerous. Promise me that?
I wish there was someway we could find you a way to get through the weekend. Hmmmmm... If you could get access to the internet then you'd have us but that's not going to happen, now is it? There's gotta be someplace that gives away old computer to people who can't afford new ones. Don't you think?
Can you write in a journal your feelings? Can you get a pet? Even if it's a hamster? Something to shower your love on? My puppies help me out a lot when I'm feeling really down. How about a puzzle workbook? I have a bunch of pennypress puzzle books and they have all kinds of puzzles and games on it. It keeps my mind occupied for blocks of time. It could work as a nice distraction? Could you at least try it? They sell them at drug stores.
I'm very sorry you're going through this. I hope you find some relief soon or at least a new computer.