Someone took my weight when I first went on zyprexa but now Im at a different office. Before I was bipolar, just for an example, I was 117 pounds. Now I'm 189. You do the math. Depakote is a lot to blame for that, its true. So say Depakote can be blamed for half just to be fair. I really don't know the exact numbers. (Who charts their med-induced weight gain?) The thing is with zyprexa my weight is only going up and up. It has changed my brain chemistry. I want to eat more and the wrong kinds of foods. Its not just will power. Its hard to describe. At the same time, I could eat like this before and not gain. I was into judo though so that was keeping me thin. Now I can't do judo because I'm on blood thinners. So its just me and the treadmill feeling hungry against the zyprexa. And friends just say "Do you want to be in the hospital again?" Well no, not really, but I'd rather be there than in the 1/2-way house place they sent me last time! It sucked big time. And that's where they'd send me- not the hospital. They'd route me through their system. My old pdoc was okay with my going to psych ER. Technically, I still could go there, but that's not what this new place prefers and I could get sent to this other non-hospital place again anyway. "Crisis residential services' I think its called. I hated it there. My friend thinks they did wonders for me but I think I was just in a better mood simply because I was OUT! So yeah. I'm up late. I'll take my 10 mg pill of zyprexa along with all the rest tonight. *sigh*