Things are going slightly okay for me I am finally getting help and support from social services. I have joined regular classes starting this September at my local college as hobbies/potential career path and I am 50/50 over Open Uni or brick uni then things could get better for me. I am also doing voluntary work at my local park helping out in the coffee shop and gift shop

But the major concern is that nothing i seem to do makes me feel full emotionally like these activities can satisfy me short term but never long term and it really affects my health, the problem is that I haven't been satisfied with my life, I could get a top grade at uni (2:1 or above or 80%) and still want more i have tried everything to combat this feeling but it never goes away it lingers on for years/decades and I have really had enough the feeling.

Then I go through stages wher because of the emptiness feeling i lose interest and things go deeply down hill, (thoughts of ending it) or i end up going into my manic highs where the extra pro-plus/coffee, no sleep, too much stress, over exercising and restricting gets really bad, (it starts off with regular 5:2 diet and then the next thing i know I haven't eaten properly in months. But no matter how much I try i can't shift this empty feeling even if I am busy distracted doing activities I enjoy.

Mental health are really useless and mind i have practically given up them simply they stop these activities and this horrible word "recovery" comes to mind, but how can you stop this when i can't stop myself its something that happens naturally I have no control of it.

Please help, what can i do and what would you suggest i try?