irl, it sounds like you are in a place of crisis rather often and are frequently suicidally depressed, so i would go to some sort of inpatient/partial hospitalization treatment program for whatever is the most pressing issue. if it is suicidal ideation then go for that, if an eating disorder then do that, etc. i remember hearing from some psychologists that if you are getting help, like being in individual therapy, but still are having significant unmanageable problems then you need more help. i don't think individual therapy is enough for you and why you keep ending up in crisis, but i think if you can find an appropriate treatment program then you can start to make some progress. of course you have to be ready to do that though and sometimes we have to get pretty close to the edge before we've had enough. take care of yourself. people do care about you.