almedafan, I'm glad you felt your session went so well and that you got from it what you needed--the feeling again that your T cares about you as well as clarification about the insurance issue.

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"as a former investigator, I'm usually not wrong when I make lists like this". He said "but you are wrong, completely".

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I don't understand this. What was he saying you were wrong about? It seems to me you have been asking about the insurance for several sessions now, and even last session you posted that he told you he gave the insurance company a graduation date just to placate them. But now in this session you ask the same thing, like you didn't believe him before. Maybe that's what he meant by "you are wrong." He already told you before but you didn't seem to internalize his answer. Maybe his "you are wrong" was a way to really get your attention so his words would sink in.

I pay out of pocket for my T and not having insurance to hassle with is so great. Expensive but great. I think your T is going the extra mile for you as he tries to deal with a difficult insurance company that is a lowball reimburser.

I'm glad you were able to get all this out in the open and your T could again answer your concerns about insurance. I hope his words stick with you and that you can carry them around inside and replay them again whenever you need reassurance. That's great you told him you love him.

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He looked confused, so while it was helpful to have today's session, my intention was to get some sort of relief from the pain but I think I inflicted it instead.

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It's hard to tell from what you wrote whether he was really hurt or not. When my T is confused by what I say, he always asks for clarification. Did yours do that? Are you really sure he was hurt? Maybe ask him next time. Also, if you really feel you hurt him inappropriately, you can always apologize to him next session. I apologized to my T once, and it was a really good moment. He started telling me at first that I didn't need to apologize, that it was not an issue, but I told him it was an issue for me. He quieted immediately and let me apologize because he knew I needed to do it. And he thanked me, and then said how great our relationship was. So almedafan if you continue to feel you inflicted hurt on your T unjustly, by all means tell him you're sorry.