Yes, on the basis of what you have said it sounds like he was quick to defend himself (to justify his actions) where he really should have shut his hole and just heard you out.

Because he attempted to defend his actions as reasonable he invalidated your emotional responses as unreasonable. What he should have done is to shut the hell up and pur you first by doing the mmm hmm i see thing to help you get it out... Then tried to understand the origins of your feelings. Instead... He put himself first and reacted from his need to defend himself. Yeah, probably because of counter-transference. Maybe he has issues fairly generally with feeling like he has to defend his actions all the time or maybe it did indeed occur to him that he hadn't handled this issue the best and hence it was really important to him (to his ego) to justify his actions.

That is of course his issue... And that is an issue for him to work out... But work it out he should indeed or it is only going to interfeare with you working through your issues.

For example:

It became about HIM feeling upset and your having this urge to apologise to him and placate him.

I'm wondering... Whether you have a habit of this? Whether people have threatened either explicitly or implicitly that they will withdraw their love if you don't shut up about something or if you don't placate / soothe them.

I'll admit that I'm wondering whether your feeling good after this session is because you are trying to repair and trying to put things right and that you know that expressing positive transference to him (saying that you love him) and talking to him about issues in your life (so he feels competent and helpful) is a way of 'earning' his love again.

He couldn't take your rage. Your fear your anger over this insurance issue. Instead of processing that with you he defended himself and then the session becomes about your placating him.

I could be wrong... But this is the way it reads to me...

I really would be interested to know what he thinks about this take on the situation...

I really really would...