ok. so i have to be careful here or i'm going to rant (if i'm not ranting already).

IMHO this is one of the HARDEST things for a therapist to do: to be able to appreciate that the thoughts and feelings and so on and so forth that the client is experiencing are typically more about the past than the present.

the positive feelings (love, admiration, being soothed, feeling happy in the presence of or when thinking about, etc) are more a response to past stuff... and the negative feelings (hate, annoyance, anger, disappointment, etc) are more a response to past stuff too.

sure most people can give lip service to this notion, but how many people truely understand it? in times of distress it is much harder...

it is easier to respond positively to positive transference (because it makes one feel GOOD) whereas it is easier to respond negatively to negative transference (because it makes one feel BAD). but really, the notion is that it is time for us to GET OVER OURSELVES and realise that the clients responses are more responses to past stuff than to present stuff.

because in a way what you were doing was feeling the waters to see how he would be capable of responding to negative transference. and IMHO he made a serious blunder by taking it personally (where he should GET OVER HIMSELF) instead of appreciating that IT ISN'T SO MUCH ABOUT HIM and taking your disclosure as a precious opportunity to show you that it is okay! he can handle the negative transference okay!

but... he didn't.

but that is okay. there is another learning opportunity in the vicinity. round 2 so to speak. if you were to raise this with him how would he respond to that? would he repeat the pattern and get defensive (maybe this is in fact a pattern for him) or would he be able to see the pattern and give you a different ending by being able to shut the hell up and hear you out and help you understand the origins of your emotions? who knows... but i really do imagine... that this issue will recurr in various guises. it might take a little while for it to recurr (one is in 'good client' mode now) but recurr it will... maybe it was a bad day for him or maybe it is a hard issue for him and maybe he will do better on different days or on different issues. i hope so.

because it is a %#@&#! of a situation that you are in now. i mean... with respect to being able to muster the courage after the way he handled it already...

i'm so sorry.

this is an issue i struggle with a great deal. IMHO my t should NOT have told me that his wife was going to have a baby and that that was why he was taking time off. but done done can't be undone. and now i'm having all these thoughts of maybe something happened to it and stuff like that. i don't want to tell him about these thoughts because i don't want to get him worrying about something happening to it... i dont' want to trigger him... but it isn't supposed to be about him dammit he is supposed to be there to help me process my %#@&#!. do i have the courage? no, i do not. so i bring it to the boards. maybe one day i'll be able to share this (once i know it is alright and stuff) or maybe not. i imagine he didn't know how intense my transference was already. he was trying to build rapport by being interactive whereas enough of the interaction already if i know too much about you i'll discover your weaknesses and then it isn't safe because i'll get to ruminating on those... dammit... therapy is hard.

there are a lot of therapists out there who are incapable of not taking things personally. of course everyone has issues they struggle with and of course when one is vulnerable they struggle with things they wouldn't struggle with when they are in a better place... not taking things personally is indeed one of the hardest things in the world to do. IMHO that is the mark of a GREAT therapist compared with a COMPETENT therapist. there are plenty of therapists out there who don't seem capable of this. or maybe they were capable of this with their OTHER clients but not with me. I think i'm a hard case... but... hate him as i do at times and rail at his incompetence as i do at times it is one of the things i admire greatly about bob. brick wall the little %#@&#! can be but i've never ever ever ever ever ever ever seen him take it personally and react / retaliate / respond from his own %#@&#!. %#@&#! amazing. wish i had it.