You have the right to need, want, seek out, and recieve treatment to help you live your life to the fullest.

Does a poor person with a physical health condition deserve treatment? How about homeless veterans? Or people who do not have the ability to care for themselves?

What is it that makes you feel like you don't deserve help?

Struggling with your mental health and with your situation has no bearing on your intelligence. In fact, most people who struggle with mental health tend to be more intelligent than those who don't.

I can't imagine what it's like for you in your situation. I assume it is like feeling trapped. But you are not alone, you are cared for, and you are loved (maybe not by the people you hope to receive that from).