Nooo. No suicide hotlines. I'm not actually suicidal as I said; I wouldn't do anything, and the last thing I need is cops knocking on my door and demanding that I spread my legs so they can search that I'm not hiding anything and all of the other demeaning stuff that happens to people who open their mouths to the wrong people. Honestly, I think being degraded in that manner would be what pushed me over the edge and caused me to have more than just thoughts. I don't know whose idea it was to make hospitals the place to shove all of the people who can't afford going to regular doctor's visits, but I won't let them treat me like that. I didn't do anything for them to treat me like that. And I also can't handle anymore medical bills coming in the mail for me.

I have tried contacting regular mental health hotlines that aren't "suicide" hotlines, and those were just further proof that no one actually cares about me. All they could do was offer to pray for me. Yeah, that will fix everything.